Something to Believe In (The Renegade Saints Book 4) by Ella Fox

Author:Ella Fox [Fox, Ella]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Renegade Saints Book Four
Publisher: Ella Fox
Published: 2016-08-10T22:00:00+00:00

I felt the exact moment she dozed off on top of me. Regardless of the fact that I’d just had the most connected and earth shattering sexual experience of my life, her falling asleep made my anxiety level spike. I tried to breathe through it, tried to remind myself that there was nothing to be anxious about, but it didn’t work.

I stayed for as long as I could stand it, but eventually I lost the battle. I gently maneuvered Daisy until she was lying on the mattress instead of me before I covered her up and went to the bathroom. When I came out I attempted to get into the bed and couldn’t do it. My shoulders sagged as I accepted that I was failing. Mentally berating myself for not talking to her about the biggest of all my issues, I left the room and made my way into the second bedroom on the other side of the living room. There with the door safely locked behind me, I should’ve been able to settle.

The problem was I didn’t calm down at all. If anything, I was even more agitated. I was desperate to be in bed with Daisy and not being able to just bite the bullet and do it was killing me. Being behind a locked door in a room across from the girl I had feelings for didn’t fuckin’ sit well with me at all. I felt like a giant goddamn pussy and my self-hate was rising fast. Finally accepting that I needed help, I picked up the phone and called Ian. The second I told him I was freaking out, he told me to come to his room to talk. I went into my room to check on Daisy and throw some clothes on. She slept deeply, the sleep of someone who didn’t have trust issues. As I dressed, I watched her and wished I had her ability to be so trusting.

The irony of the fact that a few months prior Ian would’ve been the last person I’d ever have gone to when I needed a shoulder wasn’t lost on me. When we’d first met we hadn’t gotten off to a great start and I’d wrongly thought he was a ladder-climbing asshole. After some shit went down between him and Cole one night, I had to step in to take care of him. That night, he told me his whole story and for some reason I found myself telling him mine. We’ve since become good friends. I could’ve talked to anyone in the band about how depressed I was feeling about not being able to sleep in the room with Daisy, but I chose Ian for a very specific reason. Ian could personally understand what it felt like to want to be close to someone without really being able to make it happen.

I left the suite as quietly as possible, the door making the faintest sound behind me as the handle latched. When I got to Ian’s room, the door was propped open.

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